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Wisconsin draws toothpaste company in round of 64

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Four-out-of-five dentists would not recommend.

Well, it’s here.

The NCAA Tournament. The glitz, the glamour, the playing of ‘one shining moment,’ and the confetti…oh, the confetti. Sunday afternoon, the Wisconsin Badgers learned their fate for the field of 68 and lo and behold, they play a...toothpaste company?

The boys from R&D must have had quite the season, manufacturing a 23-11 (16-2, Patriot League) record, smiling all the way.

Clearly the NCAA has made a serious mistake here, how can a toothpaste company even complete in collegiate athletics? Are they all interns? Did the Colgate-Palmoliv company buy off the NCAA? Did they give them a lifetime supply of toothpaste, dish soap, Speed Stick and Irish Spring soap so that they would look the other way?

Wait…they must have a toothpaste school.

I mean, they play in the Patriot League. Clearly these nerds are the best and brightest of toothpaste. But, what is there to learn? Brushing? You hold the toothbrush and brush in a circular motion for what, two minutes? Unless you have an electric toothbrush, then that basically does all the work for you, it’s basically a performance enhancing drug.

The NCAA should look into the usage of electronic toothbrushes by their players. I can imagine there could be some suspensions levied for that kind of funny business. Could you imagine, some of these kids’ only chances to play for their toothpaste school on the grandest of stages and it could all be brushed away, because they experimented with Sonicare.

Although, I imagine that might be fine and may not be a suspendible offense, unless someone gave them the toothbrush as a recruitment gift…woah.

What if one of those kids was well on his way to playing for Sensodyne University and then someone from Colgate showed up with a Sonicare Toothbrush and a tube of Colgate, commenting on how they could be on their way to a bad case of gingivitis, if they don’t come and hoop for Colgate. I mean, I can only imagine the pressure that would put on a kid and their oral hygiene.

Come to think of it, who is even on their team…

Oh…

Wait…

You don’t say…

Excuse me for a moment…

*Yells to wife in the other room* “You’re never going to believe this, it’s not THAT Colgate. What? You never thought it was? Why didn’t you say something before I wrote all of this? I sound deranged! What else is new? WHAT ELSE IS NEW? You’re really going to say that, RIGHT NOW?! What do you mean your mother warned you about me?

OK… so as it turns out, Wisconsin isn’t playing THAT Colgate. It’s an actual school, in Hamilton, New York.

Honest mistake. Could have happened to anyone, right?