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Does your college town suck? University of Maryland

Crab cakes and football...

New to the line up this season: we will be examining the various college towns of Wisconsin’s opponents. We’ll be answering all of the important questions – Is it a state capital? What is the population? Does it have a Culver’s?


City: College Park, Maryland

Size: 5.683 square miles

Location: 38°59′48″N 76°55′39″W

Population: 34,740 (2020)

State Capital? No

Time zone: Eastern

Landmarks: National Archives Archeological Site, President Lincoln’s Cottage, the University of Maryland


College Park was developed in 1889 near the Maryland Agricultural College, which was later re-named University of Maryland. However, it was originally planned in 1872 and remained unused until 1889 by John O. Johnson and Samuel Curriden, who were real estate developers from Washington D.C.

College Park grew rapidly, as it was located near Washington D.C. and offered a far-less crowded place for people to live and due to the expanding faculty and employees of the college.

Most of the homes constructed in the area were single-family home constructed in the shingle, Queen Anne and Stick Styles. They did however have some issues with the Stick Style though, as they were blown down by a wolf. More commercial building took place in the 1920s, as there was increased automobile traffic and the campus continued to grow.

The original subdivision was partially developed by the late 1930s and several fraternities and sororities associated with the college, built houses. College Park is broken down into multiple neighborhoods — College Park, Lakeland, Berwyn, Oak Spring, Branchville, Daniel’s Park, and Hollywood.

College Park, while it is best known as the home of the University of Maryland, which has a long-dated history in the area, dating back to 1859, is also home of multiple government facilities.

The U.S, National Archives, National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA), the Center for Weather and Climate Prediction and the Food and Drug Administration Center for Food Safety and Applied Nutrition, are all located in College Park.

Surely with a number of government facilities in town, College Park must be a safe place, right? WRONG. Crime Grade rates College Park in the first percentile, meaning that 99 percent of cities are safer. NINETY-NINE!

The rate of crime is 286.05 per 1,000 residents during a standard yer.

Basically, you will die there.


The Hotel at the University of Maryland put together a list of seven bars for grabbing a drink at in College Park.

Town Hall Liquors, the first bar on the list is a historic landmark in College Park and has been around since 1949. Not only is Town Hall Liquors a dive bar, it is also a liquor store and a mainstay for Maryland students.

Terrapins Turf, another establishment on the list features a different special every day of the week — Taco Tuesday features some great specials; $2 tacos, $3 Coronas and $4 margaritas. They even has a bottomless brunch on Saturdays.

Cornerstone Grill & Loft, the final bar that we will cover on the list has the largest selection of craft beer in College Park, at 16 beers on tap. The main floor of the bar has 15 HD TVs, making it a great local hang to watch sports. The bar also features an outdoor deck and patio and a loft upstairs with pool tables and a digital jukebox.

Maryland, like the rest of the northeastern part of the country is a Culvers-less hellscape, not even one out of five dentists would recommend.


The XFINITY Center is the home of the Maryland Terrapins basketball teams, as well as Maryland gymnastics. XFINITY has a seating capacity of 17,950 for basketball games and was completed in 2002. The first event held at the stadium was the 2002 Midnight Madness celebration, marking the beginning of the 2002 basketball season.

One long-lasting staple of the XFINITY Center were the Turgeonites, who were students that dressed as former head coach Mark Turgeon during home games. Following Turgeon’s abrupt exit from the program earlier this season, the students had to re-brand themselves.

Now, with Danny Manning becoming the interim head coach, they are the Manningites.

Does your college town suck?

Well, when you ignore the crime rate in College Park, they do have some nice local bars, some nice parks and it is close to Washington D.C.

But it is hard to ignore the fact that 99 percent of cities are safer than College Park and you will likely die there.

Also, if I learned anything from Wedding Crashers, it was that crab cakes and football are all Maryland does, but they aren’t that great at football — Prior to the 2021 Pinstripe Bowl, Maryland hadn’t won a bowl game since 2010 and the Ravens, last won the Super Bowl in maybe the crab cakes are really good?

Certainly not good enough to ignore your imminent death...