The One Good Option of conference realignment

Did y’all hear the one about the Big 12 being blown up in conference realignment? No, not the possible “Pac-16.” Or the time that Nebraska left to join the Big Ten — a conference they were clearly destined to dominate and never lose a game (Happy Scott Frost Day). Or the time that Missouri and Texas A&M jumped ship while basketball school Missouri eventually reached an SEC title game (twice!) while the football powerhouse Aggies still hasn’t won a conference title in 23 years. Or their will-they-won’t-they with some American Conference schools.

Nope. I got a scoop for y’all: Texas and Oklahoma are trying to leave and join the SEC!

[gets handed note]. Oh, ok. Everyone knows about this.

Well, just to reiterate, Texas and Oklahoma’s blind-siding and ground-breaking declaration and intent to leave the Big 12 and join the SEC has dominated the chatter of a quiet off-season. Now, many people, including our own blog, is opining on what happens next. Will Kansas and Iowa State jump ship and come to the Big Ten? Is the Pac-12 planning on making moves to stay relevant? Will the Big 12 try and grab smaller Group of Five schools?

I’ve let all this wave of content and breaking news and Texas and Texas A&M in-fighting wash over me. And I’ve come up with an idea. A nuclear option of conference re-alignment that would take the cake.

The Ohio State Buckeyes should join Texas and Oklahoma in the SEC!

I already hear the clicking of keyboard keys, yelling “Bremen, don’t do it.” “Bremen, you’re insane.” “Drop the strain Bremen.” But HEAR ME OUT. I have incredibly, well thought out reasons* that make this move perfect.

*Editor’s note: debatable

1. Ohio State basically is an SEC school already. I grew up in Atlanta, and the Big Ten football program most people talked about or respected slightly was the Buckeyes. They — said incredibly begrudgingly — have one of the most elite programs year in year out. That’s in terms of NFL draft picks, national titles, national relevancy, recruiting, size of stadium, craziness of fans and general attitude. They are really the Alabama of the Big Ten, in that there are videos on YouTube that are titled “Every Loss of the Urban Meyer Era” and they are not long videos. Additionally, save for a couple years in men’s basketball, their fans really only care about football. That’s probably not totally true, but I know that every Ohio State loss is a referendum on the school the likes of a ‘Bama or LSU loss. Plus, in stereotypically SEC fashion, they aren’t here to play school, especially compared to the haughty academics like Northwestern and their pals from up north who went to the University of Michigan.
2. No one really cares about geographic footprints anymore. The big issue in the last big realignment cluster about 10 years ago was an idea that conferences want to keep things in a geographic footprint. Then, the Big Ten made its way to the Midwestern farmland of Piscataway, New Jersey and College Park, Maryland to get the vaunted TV markets of New York City and Washington D.C. The SEC brought in a school from Texas while the ACC brought in the Atlantic Coast dwellers of Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and Syracuse, New York. No one actually cares about geography. Plus, Ohio is basically Kentucky, and Kentucky is in the SEC.
3. The Ohio State University would bring in so much money for the SEC. This is quite true. Imagine getting to see the Buckeyes play LSU, Alabama, Florida, Auburn, Georgia, etc. every few years. TV executives are literally cartoonishly having their eyeballs turn into dollar signs and bust out their head. Their thoughts are just the sound of a cash machine opening. Sure, you could wait for the playoff for those marquee match ups, but WHY NOT EVERY WEEK?
4. Northern fans can actually see how the SEC handles the cold. In the most inane debate in college football battles between the SEC and Big Ten of the past, northern fans would say “well imagine the GATORS playing in the SNOW” while SEC fans get to brag about the “SEC speed” their roster has. Now, we might actually see LSU players shiver in the November chill and gray of Columbus, Ohio. Really, it’s a grand experiment.
5. Please. Please, I beg of you Ohio State. LEAVE US. I can’t handle anymore big dumb losses in the Big Ten Championship game. All I want is a Big Ten title. All I want is to have a sense of joy come that first weekend in December and not dread. This is the scene in Mean Girls when Tina Fey’s character asks at an assembly if anyone has felt victimized by Regina George, and everyone raises their hand. Ohio State is Regina George.

They have too much talent to compete. They have too much good football. I hate to admit it, DESPERATELY HATE IT, but Ohio State every single season is the favorite to win the Big Ten and one of the few programs who realistically has a shot at a national title. A loss is a referendum because [groans] they really are that good. I hate it. You hate it. Penn State fans hate it. Nebraska is convinced they are the reason they can’t win in the Big Ten. Even MICHIGAN fans hate it. If we can agree with Michigan there, we know it’s true. Ohio State, please go to the SEC and finish 7-5 or something. I just can’t deal with this anymore.