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General March Madness Thread for 3-20-21

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Is there anything better than a March Saturday full of basketball after the Badgers have already advanced? No, there is not.

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-Wisconsin at North Carolina IndyStar-USA TODAY Sports

Let’s do that again, what say you?

Early Shift

High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
5 Colorado 12 Georgetown CBS 11:15 AM Buffs by 6.5
4 Florida State 13 UNCG TRU 11:15 AM Seminoles by 10.5
3 Kansas 14 Eastern Washington TBS 12:15 PM Rock Chalk by 10.5
8 LSU 9 St. Bonaventure TNT 12:45 PM Tigers by 1.5

Best Game: We got two clear options. LSU - St. Bonaventure might be the best game of the day. The opener is the storyline - intriguer, as both Colorado and Georgetown come into the tournament on hot streaks. Senior McKinley Wright is a top-level distributor whose Buffaloes got buffaloed in the Pac-12 championship. Georgetown picked off Villanova and Creighton in the Big East tournament to secure their autobid. If the Hoyas can keep Colorado off the line (where they shoot 82%) they’ll have a stellar shot.

Best Player: Let’s focus on LSU’s Cameron Thomas. Personally, as a street-junkie bracketriatitrist, when I see a 33 mpg player that finishes almost a third of a team’s possessions, I think mid-major. But, that’s not how the Bayou gets ballers. They focus on one prospect, feed him constantly, and let him be an overrated NBA player. There is a very strong history of Louisiana State Tiger basketball players being awful in the NBA. Especially when they are highly, highly touted. I can not stress this enough: LSU Tiger NBA players are consistently trash. (Editor’s note: Rock has been fired for posting libel about the best defender in the NBA, Ben Simmons)

Best Name: Georgetown’s sophomore center Qudus Wahab. Call him Ishmael and he’ll posterize you.

Afternoon Shift

High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
1 Michigan 16 Texas Southern CBS 2:00 PM Wolverines by 26
5 Creighton 12 Santa Barbara TRU 2:30 PM Bluejays by 7
2 Alabama 15 Iona TBS 3:00 PM Tide by 16.5
6 USC 11 Drake TNT 3:30 PM Trojans by 6.5

Best Game: A little lighter schedule, but Creighton-USCB and USC-Drake are the schedule-driven contrasts to a 1 and 2 seed.

Best Player: We got options! Evan Mobley’s a Trojan frosh that’s driving former FGCU’s coach’s new home.

He uses his boxing gloves to block one out of eleven opponent shots, while making 62% of his deuces. If you want a big person in the Big 10, Hunter Dickenson’s outperformed expectations and a lot of the other bigs in the conference.

Lastly, let’s segue into the last regular feature of each pod and talk about:

Best Name: the Big West’s POTY JaQuori McLaughlin. He’s an Oregon State transfer (which, Tennessee is glad he isn’t helping that beat down, woof!) that fills up all parts of the stat sheet with strong numbers. He drops dimes, he steals your dimes, and makes 39.4% of his threes.

Evening Shift

High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
2 Iowa 15 Grand Canyon TBS 5:25 PM Hawkeyes by 14.5
7 Connecticut 10 Maryland CBS 6:10 PM Sad Johnathans by 3
4 Virginia 13 Ohio TRU 6:15 PM Hoos by 7
8 Oklahoma 9 Missouri TNT 6:25 PM Sooners by a point

Best Game: The 7 through 10’s games are holdin’ down the fort as they should, but Virginia’s missing key pieces. This might be a positively delightful pod, and I’m glad I’ve made plans to pick up Paisans and drink someone else’s beer while it goes down.

Best Player: Personally, I’m going with the Midwestern kid that’s a force on the defensive boards, corralling a fifth of his opponent’s misses by himself. Someone that is six consecutive free throw makes from being a 60/40/90 member. I’m going with the pride of Stevens Point, Sam Hauser.

Best Name: My Antelopes have a 3-man, it’s O-S-C-A-R. My Antelopes have a shooting forward it’s F-R-A-Y-E-R.

Late Night Shift

High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
High Seed Low Seed Channel Time Line
1 Gonzaga 16 Norfolk State TBS 8:20 PM Zags by a gentlemenly 33.5
6 BYU 11 UCLA CBS 8:40 PM Cougars by 3.5
3 Texas 14 Abilene Christian TRU 8:50 PM Longhorns by 8.5
7 Oregon 10 VCU TNT 8:57 PM Ducks by 5

Best Game: After the slopfest Thursday night against Michigan State Presented By Rocket Mortgage, people are saying UCLA is going to get run by BYU. Virginia Commonwealth University against Oregon is the reason you’re staying up Saturday night.

Best Player: Umm, pick someone starting for Gonzaga. Nice, you got the same name I came up with!

Best Name: When we can start to fly again (specifically avoiding the traveling reference!), I’d love to spend a two-beer layover next to Abilene Christian’s Joe Pleasant. Just that name means I’m going to be mentally hugged into a wonderful story or two.

A Better David Bowie Song Than “Let’s Dance”

The Big Dance is a popular nickname for the NCAA tournament. “Let’s Dance” is objectively the worst David Bowie song. Here, I recommend a different song from Bowie’s catalog.

David Bowie’s “Thin White Duke” period wasn’t brought on by anything Coach K did. He was riding high on fame and cocaine while in the center for fame and cocaine: Los Angeles. He sobered up in East Berlin, where an English rock and roll legend could disappear into the background.

This led to Bowie’s most creative output, his Berlin trilogy, led by Low. No song had the same cultural resonance as his next album, Heroes, but “Always Crashing In The Same Car” was a significant step in David Bowie’s development. Here he uses his wry humor to come to terms with his cocaine habit, glibly referencing a time when he repeatedly drove into his dealer’s car while Iggy Pop cackled in horror. He then drove into a hotel’s underground parking lot, doing high-speed donuts.

The minor key and melancholy feel actually matches the depression of the scenario. “Let’s Dance” has the minor key and melancholy about dancing, one of the happiest activities imaginable.