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Fist To Your Face: Camp Randall Stadium

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run...run...RUN RUN RUN

KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas 2017 - Day 1 Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for KROQ

Wisconsin Badgers home games draw half a million fans every year. Where do most of them go? Watching ‘em run the ball is the answer: your question is what’s poppin?

In Every Town Make a Rumble, The Venue Ground Into Rubble

Location Camp Randall Stadium
Location Camp Randall Stadium
Date Opened 1917
Address 1440 Monroe Street
Sports Football
Named For Governor Alexander W. Randall
Capacity 80321
Best Bar Nearby Library Bar

Getting In

For decades, by most measurements, Wisconsin football didn’t exist. On the radar a little blip in the shadow of motherships. Been smothered and brashly muffled by hucksters of Big 10 spin like the sign on Bucky’s back says “homecoming victim.” Then Barry said, “You better get your tickets now, because before long you won’t be able to” and now Wisconsin’s all thorn and Rose Bowls. There are games against the MAC that are for the diehard wolves that starve for a week so they go after the weak. But you’ll spend a grand of those zombies for Ohio State or Michigan to light a flair put your thumb in the air high five.

Concessions

Tailgate! You got beef then we fryin’ your burger. There’s options in Camp Randall when you feel the effects of the rallying cry “hurry up we got liquor to run through” midway through the second, but apply your Einstein mind and have a better time sipping on fine wines and fine dine with dimes and nines. Get a couple drinks in the kid before entering, because only the bougie get to buy alcohol when in the stadium.

Seating

As a former Z2 season ticket holder, Camp Randall’s seating configurations have changed over the last months, but all alumni seats are assigned bleachers to get the tragedy generator operating at max capacity. The students that make up the sections that make up the Great Student Section Race are given vouchers for a section that they’re assigned to, then herded to their spot single file. When we usher in chaos, just know that we did it smiling.

Traditions

Inmates run the asylum. Anybody disagree they jealous.

If there’s scoring a-plenty, Bucky gets his upper body workout in. But when P gets bored, they start the wave: repeated attempts at normal speed until a full circuit, then slow, fast, reverse, split, fin. And the crowd goes “N sucks P.” And the crowd goes “N sucks P.” And the crowd goes “N sucks P.” And the crowd goes “N sucks P.”

Phillip, who is five, is excited to Jump Around
Chris Onstad

The University of Wisconsin Marching Band did not lose a high step under the direction of Corey Pompey. After their halftime show, many of the horns split off into groups and travel around the stadium playing “On, Wisconsin,” and after the fourth quarter starts the tubas march around the field. While the players got until the hands on the clock stop the band sticks around for their 5th Quarter before marching down University Ave to dismissal at Humanities.

Pun The Jewels

My business card says “You’re in luck, I do two things, I run and punt.” So when we say “run the ball” just run it baby, please don’t delay me. If they refuse to run the ball we beat the bottoms of feet. We run the ball cause destruction’s the number one commitment. The offensive line moves with the elegance of an African elephant. I presented the evidence eloquent as a President: evident it’s with emphasis we deserve us a championship.

Atmosphere

“Well, what a wretched state of danger we’ve made here,” I thought to me. With the pull of a pin, a grenade gets the crowd to their feet and a soul to its options. I’m a fool for the win, I been made to be loud while these other cats drowning in softness.

Overall

What more can I say? We top billin’ it. Valiant without villainy, viciously foul victory, burn towns and villages, burning, looting and pillaging. Gophers try to hurt us, we curse them and all their children.

Final Review