Oh Honey, No…a Bucky’s 5th Quarter Fashion Blog: University of Michigan

Oh boy…it’s finally here once again, the Badgers WILL be playing this weekend against Michigan in Ann Arbor.

It has been two very long, game-less weekends and we are finally rewarded with getting to see Wisconsin play the team with the basic-est of uniforms in the conference.

While Michigan does wear some basic AF uniforms, their coach’s choice in pants is also quite basic.

Let us rewind to his time in the NFL…Jim Harbaugh was a successful coach in the NFL after a four-year stint at Stanford. Harbaugh became the head coach of the San Francisco 49ers in 2011 and was named NFL Coach of the Year that season. He won the NFC West twice and took the 49ers to the Super Bowl.

All the while, Harbaugh rocked some ill-fitting, boxy khakis WITH pleats.

PLEATS!!!

His wife is even rumored to have thrown them out, so Harbaugh did what any man would do in that situation…marched right on down to Walmart and buy some new $8 khakis.

However, when Harbaugh returned to Michigan, he went full-on soccer mom and started wearing ath-leisure brand, Lululemon khakis. I wonder if they make his butt look good...

My absolute favorite thing about Lululemon pants is that they come with ABC (Anti-Ball-Crushing) technology. Yes, Anti-Ball-Crushing technology...which Jim certainly needs when he’s constantly bending over, wondering what the hell he is doing with his life…

Photo by Leon Halip/Getty Images

Harbaugh went from paying $8, to $128 for pants, and what did it get him? A spot on the hot seat. Good thing that Lululemon’s are quick-drying and breathable, otherwise that would be one sweaty ass.

Basically, Jim’s transition from boxy, ill-fitting pants is really a big jump. He went from some awful looking pants and skipped right to the most-expensive and pretentious pants out there...what about Dockers? Go on down to Kohl’s, they’re already on sale and if you have a Kohl’s Charge Card and a 30% off coupon, they’re practically paying you to take them...

Anyway…back to Michigan’s basic look.

As a reminder, we will be rating the opposing threads on a scale of oh honey, no, to YAASS QUEEN.

Oh honey, no: Obviously, this is the worst rating. If I must explain this to you, you’re probably wearing socks with sandals right now, or a brown belt with black pants, either way, oh honey, no.

Ewww: Nice try, but no.

Werk it: You brought it.

YAASS QUEEN: Best of the best. Your proverbial milkshake brings all the proverbial boys to the yard.

School: University of Michigan

Mascot: Wolverines

Color Scheme: Blue and Maize

Official Brand Sponsor: Jordan Brand

Helmet:

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Michigan’s helmet is and always has been blue with a blue facemask and a maize winged design. The winged design, became the school’s helmet in 1938 when coach Fritz Crisler brought the idea with him from Princeton. Crisler thought the distinctive winged design would help the quarterback better see receivers on pass plays.

A new feature of the Wolverine’s helmet is the addition of an equality sticker, which will be on the back of the helmet. The sticker will have the word “EQUALITY,” on it, with six raised fists. The fists will all be different skin tones, to represent the university community’s diversity.

Another sticker that is featured prominently on the Wolverine’s helmet is their “helmet stickers,” which are maize ovals with a Wolverine head on them. These a placed on a player’s helmet as a reward for making a big play. The wolverines on the sticker even face the direction of the outside of the helmet, as the school has both left-facing and right-facing helmet stickers.

I personally hate helmet stickers, they look tacky and, in my opinion, takes away from unity that the team has, because every helmet looks different. Instead of putting a look at me sticker on someone’s helmet after a big play, give them a high five, or an elbow bump (this is a pandemic after all) and tell them good job.

Helmet Scores:

Blue helmet with maize wings: Ewww

Uniform:

The Wolverine’s uniforms are fairly basic. Their home uniform is blue, with maize accents and a maize pants. Their away uniform is white with blue letter and numbers and blue and maize stripes on the sleeve. Their away pants are also white, which the same blue and maize stripes going up the pant leg.

Michigan has also been known to mix things up and wear blue pants with their blue uniforms.

Michigan broke from tradition during the 2013 Outback Bowl, when it played South Carolina. The school donned special uniforms for the game. They were white with maize numbers, blue letters for their names and the shoulder pads were topped in blue with maize “M’s” on both sleeves. The uniform also featured the Outback Bowl patch as well. They paired the jersey with maize pants.

The Outback Bowl uniforms were a swing and a miss. So much that with the maize numbers on the white uniform, made it difficult to see player’s numbers from a long distance.

P.J. Fleck should have thought about that…that could have been another thing to add to Minnesota’s Outback Bowl ring.

Another one of Michigan’s big misses at an alternate uniform came in 2011, when they wore white uniforms with alternating blue and maize stripes on the sleeves. They were affectionately known as the bumblebee uniforms…

The maize sleeves some players wore had “Victors,” and “Valiant,” inscribed on them in blue text.

Ironically, Michigan lost the game.

I would swat them with a rolled up newspaper any day.

In case you were wondering, these uniforms were brought to us by Adidas, the same company that brought us Wisconsin’s swim-trunk basketball uniforms from their Final Four run.

The same season, Michigan wore throwback uniforms against Notre Dame, which were blue and featured a large maize ‘M; on the front with the player’s number above the ‘M’ on the left side of their chest. The uniform also featured maize stripes across the shoulders, which surprisingly looked way better than the stripes on the bumblebee uniforms.

Arguably the best Michigan uniform was worn in 2017, when the Wolverines played Florida. Michigan wore maize uniforms with blue accents and maize pants. The uniforms really popped and looked phenomenal.

This all-maize look is definitely one that Michigan should think of bringing back, as it is far too sick of a uniform to be worn only once and them thrown in the back of the equipment room for forever.

Uniform Scores:

Standard Home & Away: Far too basic… Ewww.

2013 Outback Bowl: Oh honey, no.

2011 Bumblebee: Oh honey, no.

2011 Throwbacks: Ewww

2017 Maize uniforms: YAASS QUEEN.