B5Q Blogopean Union: Week 1 of Big Ten football sure was fun

Good morning! This is going to be a daily(ish) post that discusses the goings on of the rest of the Big Ten Conference, and the country as needed. Much like the European Union, the Big Ten is a loosely confederated group of entities that sometimes have the same goals (like free movement of people between countries or not winning national titles in football or basketball) and sometimes accept new members that they later regret (Estonia or Rutgers).

We hope that you will use this post to comment on things happening around the conference and also as a sort of daily open thread to discuss breaking news or argue about Spotted Cow (which we NO LONGER DO).

• In case you were offline last night and didn’t see this...reports are that Wisconsin Badgers starting QB Graham Mertz tested positive for COVID-19. We’ve got all the info you’ll need in that post, including a statement from UW.
• Mertz, you may remember, had a transcendent starting debut on Friday night against Illinois.

• Just to reiterate...Mertz had a better game than the guy that just about everyone predicted would be the best player in the conference this season.

• Now, I wouldn’t go so far as to say Kirk Herbstreit is ALWAYS speaking the truth, but he has a point here.

• If you can’t remember all the way back to Friday night’s game, here are the highlights.

• Illinois football crashes back to reality.
• Iowa can’t cover Purdue WR David Bell and other musings about the Hawkeyes loss to the Boilermakers.
• Penn State is having an existential crisis about their QB’s inability to take them to the next level. ::nervously looks around while laughing::
• The Nebraska football motto should be “well, what did you think was going to happen?”
• Hmm, is it going to be One Of Those Northwestern Years? You know the ones I’m talking about. I hate it already.
• Rondale Moore didn’t play for Purdue but their wide receivers were still awesome.
• Michigan has a new starting QB too, and like Mertz, Joe Milton had a good debut under center. I mean...it wasn’t AS good, but who’s counting? (I am...I am counting.)
• Ohio State DT Haskell Garrett was shot in the face (WHAT THE SHIT?!?) this offseason but was able to play in their opening game against Nebraska. He recorded a sack against the Huskers and, quite frankly, I hope he gets a sack in every game for the rest of his life.
• Maryland got shellacked by Northwestern and basically their best takeaway from the game is “a lot of young guys got to play.” Could be a loooooong season in College Park.
• I am extremely happy for Indiana.
• The Gophers defense did, uh, not look good against Michigan in primetime on Saturday.
• “I know our fans expect more from this football team than what we showed today, and we expect more out of ourselves,” Michigan State head coach Mel Tucker said. LMAO YOU LOST TO RUTGERS!
• Speaking of Rutgers! “After scoring just six touchdowns in nine conference games last season, they almost equaled that total against the Spartans with five.” HOLY SHIT!