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Why your mascot sucks: University of South Florida

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We, uh, we think the headline is pretty self-explanatory.

NCAA Football: South Florida at Central Florida Reinhold Matay-USA TODAY Sports

Rocky the Bull, the mascot for the University of South Florida, first made his debut in 1965. He is an Anthropomorphized Brahman Bull and his claim to fame is that he won the 2013 Capital One Mascot Challenge.

However, that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have a checkered past…

For starters? His school didn’t even want him!

Back in 1961 when USF was first trying to decide on a mascot, they considered quite a few options, ranging from Florida Chickens to the… am I getting this right? Desert Rats? OK, Florida…

The proverbial “seed” of the bull was planted in 1961, by two people that regularly inseminated Brahman’s themselves – Gerald Stack and Jack Boyd, who were both Brahman Cattle breeders and member of USF’s charter class.

A year later, the idea of a Brahman Bull was lost in the shuffle, or temporarily forgotten, and the school decided to hold a contest to choose their future nickname.

Five finalists were selected: the Buccaneer, the Golden Brahman, the Olympian, the Cougar and the Golden Eagle.

The Buccaneer was victorious, but was passed over, because it was believed that a junior college in Pensacola had the same mascot. This led to the Golden Brahman being selected, after only losing to the Buccaneer by three votes.

Think it’s over? Not even close.

Someone actually looked into the school from Pensacola (maybe they called them?) and figured out their mascot was actually the Pirate, so the Brahman was out and the Buccaneer was in.

Students then thought the decision process was Golden Brahman feces and that neither choice was fit to act as the school’s mascot.

A petition was created, signatures were collected and a new election was done. And we all know how good Florida is at elections.

When it was all said and done, the Golden Brahman was named the mascot of USF and unveiled on Nov. 17, 1962.

Ultimately the students felt that since Florida is a cattle-raising state like Texas, they needed a mascot similar to that of the Texas Longhorns.

Try a little creativity next time, Florida…smh.

GO DESERT RATS! No? OK, fine.

The Golden Brahman remained the school’s mascot for a successful run of about 20 years, which ended in 1982 when the school changed its nickname to the Bulls.

Rocky got his start as the idea for the toy at the USF Bookstore in 1965 and was first drawn as a cartoon, used in the USF Athletics newsletters.

His image was first trademarked in 1974 and he then received a re-design in 1986 and the current Rocky we see today, made his debut in 2003.

Like I mentioned earlier, like most mascots, Rocky is anthropomorphized and has a constant angry-ish looking face. One could also go as far as to say he has the look on his face of a person that farted in a crowded elevator and is proud of it.

Rocky typically wears a football uniform, basketball uniform, or even a t-shirt, but has been known to wear other things…

I feel uncomfortable.

In the grand scheme of things, Rocky is a decent mascot and I appreciate the muscular physique of a bull, with the biceps, dude is swole… but where are the hooves?

However, I don’t think I will ever get that image out of my brain…

Rocky and the Scarlet Knight got into it back in 2010 and the altercation quickly fizzled and the two bro-hugged it out, but as you will notice in the video, at the 30 second mark, Rocky attempts to sweep the leg. Anyone that sides with Cobra Kai, is evil, or completely misunderstood the point of that movie.

At least some mascots know how to finish an opposing mascot.

In conclusion: his school didn’t want him, fart in an elevator face and he’s a Cobra Kai Fan.

And not to mention, jorts…

Oh honey, no.