The B1G Roast: This is March

I hope Jon Rothstein doesn’t see this post because he and I are embroiled in a years-long feud. Or, more accurately, he blocked me on Twitter a long time ago because I tweeted something stupid at him. What that was? Who can remember, but I’m sure it was extremely cutting and hilarious. After a cursory search through the archives I think this may have been the tweet?

Or maybe that happened after the fact? Whatever. Haters gonna hate. That’s what annoying people on the internet say after someone says they’re annoying, right?

Rothstein potentially being a college basketball Twitter bot aside, it is worth noting that today does fall in the month of March! March is the best month to be a college basketball fan, obvs, and conference tournaments have already started! My second favorite team in the land, the mighty NJIT Highlanders, take on Atlantic Sun No. 1 seed Lipscomb tonight and I couldn’t be more excited! Did you know that NJIT, which is located in Newark, N.J., used to be a part of the Great West Conference? What a country!

I love March Madness and I’m excited that the Badgers are back to being a part of it.

WE DID IT!

All KenPom rankings are as of Mar. 7, 2019

Iowa Hawkeyes

KenPom.com rankings: 38th overall; 11th offense, 134th defense

Notable wins: Iowa State (No. 18 KenPom), Nebraska (No. 45 KenPom), Ohio State (No. 44 KenPom), at Penn State (No. 41 KenPom), Michigan (No. 5 KenPom), at Indiana and at home against Indiana (No. 47 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: Rutgers (No. 71 KenPom)

Record: 21-8 overall, 10-8 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: Iowa just lost to Rutgers, in Iowa City, by 14 points. The Hawkeyes have also lost three of their last four and will be without the services of their head coach, an actual lunatic that we continue to allow to coach/mentor college students often on TV for some reason.

You know what’s really disgraceful? Using that type of language. LoL, jk. I’m not a Purdue fan. If you are going to call a B1G ref a “fucking disgrace,” which to be fair he probably is, make sure you do it out of earshot of reporters, Fran.

Biggest weaknesses: Hold up! Fran’s actual defense was that he didn’t want people to hear him yelling!

“I said what I said in the tunnel directly. I didn’t want that to be public,” McCaffery said. “I said it directly to (the official). Somebody ended up hearing it. OK, that’s unfortunate. But that’s the reality. The intention was for it to be a private conversation.”

That’s rich.

Anyways, Iowa has been playing poorly lately but still have a number of players that are good, like Tyler Cook and Luke Garza! Jordan Bohannon, Isaiah Moss and Joe Wieskamp all are dangerous from beyond the arc and should be accounted for at all times. Bohannon may even be a sleeper agent that Barry Alvarez has yet to activate as well.

When do they play Wisconsin?: Tonight, 6 p.m. CT, ESPN; Kohl Center, Madison, Wis.

Ohio State Buckeyes

KenPom.com rankings: 44th overall; 80th offense, 26th defense

Notable wins: At Cincinnati (No. 31 KenPom), at Creighton (No. 48 KenPom), Minnesota (No. 46 KenPom), at Nebraska (No. 45 KenPom), Penn State (No. 41 KenPom), at Indiana (No. 47 KenPom), Iowa (No. 38 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: at Rutgers (No. 71 KenPom), Illinois (No. 63 KenPom), at Northwestern (No. 67 KenPom)

Record: 18-12 overall, 8-11 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: Yikes. The Buckeyes have needed to finish the season strong to sneak into the NCAA Tournament, and so far they have lost to Purdue by 35 points and Northwestern by 18 points (in a game they scored a Badgers-esque 17 points in the first half). Ohio State has been without starting center Kaleb Wesson for these two games and, uh, it shows.

I’d be a bit worried for aOsu’s fans if they weren’t known for being amongst the most rational in the confer...

Wesson’s status for the game on Sunday is unknown but even if he plays who knows if the Buckeyes will respond.

Biggest weaknesses: I am a noted proponent of giving other team’s fans and their players “the business.” It is part of what makes sports fun, as long as it doesn’t cross the line, and I think there definitely is a line. After Minnesota beat Purdue the other night at The Barn, the Gophers student section rushed the court (which is fun and good!) but one ass-cheese went and ruined it for everyone.

First of all, if you’re going to fire off double-barreled birds at an opposing team’s player, why would you choose the biggest one?

A Minnesota education at work, folks.

Secondly, uh, don’t flip double-barreled birds at someone. Your team just, metaphorically, flipped Purdue the double bird by beating them and robbing them a chance of clinching a share of the conference title. Isn’t that enough?!?!?!

When do they play Wisconsin?: Sunday, 3:30 p.m. CT, CBS; Value City Arena, Columbus, Ohio

Wisconsin Badgers

KenPom.com rankings: 12th overall, 43rd offense, seventh defense

Notable wins: Oklahoma (No. 33 KenPom), N.C. State (No. 40 KenPom), at Iowa (No. 38 KenPom), at Penn State and at home too (No. 41 KenPom), Michigan (No. 5 KenPom), at Nebraska (No. 45 KenPom), Maryland (No. 19 KenPom), at Minnesota (No. 46 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: At Western Kentucky (No. 121 KenPom) (WKU is currently in second place in C-USA, which is a bad conference, but still maybe this loss is less mystifying now?)

Record: 20-9 overall, 12-6 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: I don’t know if you’ve checked the KenPom player of the year rankings recently, but Ethan Happ has a sizable lead over Duke’s R.J. Barrett and Texas Tech’s Jarrett Culver. Presumed favorite, Duke’s Zion Williamson, has now missed four games (five, if you don’t count the 35 seconds he played against UNC) in a row and has plummeted to sixth. He’ll still probably get the award, and deservedly so since he’s a great player, but it’s worth noting that Happ is pretty great too.

If you are able to attend the game night, please cheer extra loud for, quite possibly, the best player in Wisconsin basketball history. You should also read this retrospective of Happ’s career by the Wisconsin State Journal’s Jim Polzin.

Thanks for all you have given to the program, Ethan (and Khalil Iverson and Charles Thomas). I’ll see you at the Y doing fake hook shots against much younger and more athletic players.

Biggest weaknesses: If this team isn’t named the Kohl Center Charge-takers then I don’t want to hear any more about it tbh.

Also, put Zach Morley on the team or GTFO.

When do they play these schools that we hate more in football play Wisconsin?: Tonight and Sunday.