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The B1G Roast: Stretch Run

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Let’s go get that double-bye!

NCAA Basketball: Indiana at Iowa Jeffrey Becker-USA TODAY Sports

Have y’all watched the two documentaries on the Fyre Festival that Netflix and Hulu put out? They are freaking wild. For those who have better things to do with their time then worry about what sort of scams Ja Rule is helping to come up with that will separate millennials from their money allow me to tell you about Fyre Festival.

Basically a charming scam artist named Billy McFarland planned a “luxury music festival” in the Bahamas. He got a bunch of Instagram influencers to post about it, not the last of whom was Kylie Jenner (aka Ben Simmon’s girlfriend), booked a bunch of popular bands, but didn’t start building anything until a few months before the scheduled date and ... well ... things went poorly.

Anyways, you should watch these documentaries because they are horrifying and hilarious all at the same time. It should be noted that Ja Rule is currently trying to steal Lil’ B The Basegod’s (who I forgot follows me on Twitter for some reason) “curse sports teams” schtick because he was mad at the Timberwolves for making fun of him online.

He’s just as good at Twitter as he is at music festival planning.

All KenPom rankings are as of Feb. 25, 2019

Indiana Hoosiers

KenPom.com rankings: 49th overall; 113th offense, 26th defense

Notable wins: Marquette (No. 24 KenPom), Louisville (No. 19 KenPom), at Penn State (No. 47 KenPom), at Michigan State (No. 4 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: at Arkansas (No. 66 KenPom), at Northwestern (No. 70 KenPom)

Record: 13-14 overall, 4-12 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: Look, I’m not going to talk about this trash team. They’ve lost 12 of their last 13 games (randomly beating MSU in East Lansing) and I don’t care one lick about their candy striped warm-up pants or how Bob Knight is the only good coach.

Let’s talk about cussin’ instead!

It may come as a surprise to you that a college student section chanted profanities during a live college sporting event—a live college sporting event between two heated rivals that play in the same state and have a long history of disliking each other.

I know! I was surprised as well.

I really can’t get worked up over college students saying “fuck” to another college student.

However, the Hammer and Rails post brings up the time IU fans were going to chant about Isaac Haas’ sister and mother which is probably ::double checks notes:: nope, definitely over the line. But, uh, cursing? Don’t get so bent out of shape about cursing.

Hey, at least they didn’t blow a 28-3 lead in the game?

Biggest weaknesses: The Hoosiers are bad this year. Hell, they are only shooting 0.1 percent better from the free throw line than Wisconsin. They do not shoot enough threes and they make even fewer. They appear to exert full effort every sixth or seventh game. Romeo Langford has scored in double digits every game except for two, but he’s already getting his suit tailored for the NBA Draft and deciding on pocket squares.

I got really depressed reading about Indiana basketball on Twitter dot com and various blogs. I do not recommend it at all.

GOUGE MY EYES OUT WITH A SPOON! WHAT THE ACTUAL SHIT, INDIANA?!?!?

When do they play Wisconsin?: Tuesday, 8 p.m. CT, ESPN; Assembly Hall, Bloomington, Ind.

Penn State Nittany Lions

KenPom.com rankings: 47th overall; 71st offense, 36th defense

Notable wins: Virginia Tech (No. 11 KenPom), Michigan (No. 7 KenPom), Nebraska (No. 43 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: at DePaul (No. 117 KenPom), Bradley (No. 180 KenPom, neutral site), Rutgers (No. 78 KenPom)

Record: 11-16 overall, 4-12 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: Advanced stats love Penn State. They’re easily the best 16-loss team in the nation (as a matter of fact, the Big Ten Conference has the highest rated, by KenPom, 13, 14, 15, 16 and 17 loss teams in the country LOL). They’ve had the third most difficult schedule, according to KenPom, and have four losses by one possession. Since February started, the Lions are 4-2 with wins over Michigan, Nebraska, Illinois and Northwestern.

Lamar Stevens is good. Josh Reaves is good. Myles Dread has an awesome name. It is a good thing this one is in Madison or the Badgers might be in trouble.

Biggest weaknesses: The state of Wisconsin needs to do a better job at keeping college graduates there.

Minneapolis, Minnesota, a city that many would compare Milwaukee to, also has a 51 percent rate according to that Seattle Times article. I don’t have the time nor the ability to figure out why Minneapolis has more educated residents than Milwaukee, but I am sure the fact most Milwaukeeans think they are actual NFL owners because they bought a piece of paper is part of it.

When do they play Wisconsin?: Saturday, noon p.m. CT, BTN; Kohl Center, Madison, Wis.

Wisconsin Badgers

KenPom.com rankings: 12th overall, 37th offense, sixth defense

Notable wins: Oklahoma (No. 38 KenPom), N.C. State (No. 35 KenPom), at Iowa (No. 28 KenPom), at Penn State (No. 47 KenPom) Michigan (No. 7 KenPom), at Nebraska (No. 43 KenPom), Maryland (No. 15 KenPom), at Minnesota (No. 48 KenPom)

Hilarious losses: At Western Kentucky (No. 129 KenPom) (((((This loss just continues to get more mystifying!)))))

Record: 19-8 overall, 11-5 Big Ten

Biggest strengths: Khalil Freaking Iverson. What a great week Wolverine (is that what B5Q commenter gobucky calls him ... I honestly never know) had!

Iverson was assertive on offense, mostly unusual, and played tough defense, per usual, in a week of games where All-America candidate Ethan Happ did not play up to his usual standards. Iverson recorded a season high in points (16) and offensive rebounds (five) against Illinois, and in the two games last week he shot 9-of-12 from the free throw line (which is 15 percentage points better than his season average).

I have given Iverson a hard time over his career for his inexplicable inability to finish at the rim regularly, but I hope this past week of games kicks off a dominant ending to his Wisconsin career.

This is the most accurate scouting report ever given of a Wisconsin basketball player.

Biggest weaknesses: This guy’s Twitter bio says both “Tweets are my thoughts” and that he is a fan of the Yankees and Steelers. I hate him.

The more anyone watches ANY college basketball team the more they’ll see “little chippy, cheap, border line [sic] dirty plays.”

::glares at Adam Woodbury::

Alright, I guess playing AT Indiana might be tougher than we think ... but I mean ... probably not.

When do they play these schools that wish it was 20 years ago in basketball and football, respectively?: Tomorrow and Saturday.