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Why your school sucks: an Ohio state university

THE Wisconsin Badgers play them this weekend.

NCAA Football: Ohio State at Michigan
Look Mom! I can make an ‘O’ with my arms!
Rick Osentoski-USA TODAY Sports

With the B1G Championship game approaching and with Brutus already being put through the suck-scope, I thought it would be a good time to focus on the school itself.

Before I begin, I think it’s important to point out that, like Urban Meyer being a biased member of the media / Big Nude Saturday, I am very biased when it comes to this topic.

I hate Ohio State.


‘The,’ it’s the most commonly used word in the English language, according to (among other sites).

Hell, I used it upwards of 50 times in this very post.

It’s also a word that Ohio State tried to trademark when it submitted its application (No. 88571984) back in August of this year.

OSU was mainly looking to use the word ‘the’ on apparel.

”This only would apply for usage of ‘The’ in ways that clearly signify association with Ohio State and its brand, like for example a scarlet and grey T-shirt with ‘The’ on the front,” said Chris Davey, senior associate vice president of university communications for the Ohio State University.

You may be wondering why they decided to trademark the word, well look no further than fashion designer, Marc Jacobs.

Again, Marc Jacobs.

The designer submitted a trademark application himself, so that he could use ‘the’ on his products and have it be trademarked. His application was approved.

THE Mens Sweatshirt with Snoopy costs $225

Oddly enough, a college student would likely have to sell memorabilia to afford one of his items—college athletes selling memorabilia for clothing, tattoos and jewelry?

That would never happen...

The actual use of the word when referring to the university started back in 1971, when an instructor at the school drilled into the students, that it is ‘THE Ohio State University.’

Ten years later, the school President, Ed Jennings claimed credit for being the person that made ‘the’ more prominent when referring to the school.

Former Buckeye running back Robert Smith also claimed that it was he who should take credit for emphasizing a word.

Thanks to whoever is responsible, now we have to sit through NFL intros when someone will eventually say ‘THE Ohio State University.’ (Editor’s note: THE top reason I don’t watch much NFL anymore)

Ohio State has also unsuccessfully trademarked, ‘OSU,’ because of you know... Oklahoma State and Oregon State.

A Nut

NCAA Basketball: NCAA Tournament-First Round-Iowa State vs Ohio State Mark J. Rebilas-USA TODAY Sports

I know we covered this in the Brutus piece, but it is worth repeating. Ohio State’s mascot is a nut.

Not an animal.

Not a knight, a pirate or something along those lines.

A nut. Not to mention, it’s one that you have prepare just right, or you could get sick, eating it.

So stupid.

“Unbiased Media”

If Urban Meyer is anything, he definitely is not an unbiased member of the media. He now spends his days as an analyst on FOX’s college football coverage, affectionately known to everyone (other than FOX) as Big Nude Saturday.

Following his retirement from coaching the Buckeyes after the conclusion of the 2018 college football season, Meyer took a job with FOX but also as Ohio State’s Associate Athletic Director.

One would think that Meyer would recuse himself from discussing the Buckeyes due to his nine-to-five gig, or for him to take on a more unbiased approach, but that has yet to be seen.

In one promo that was shot, Meyer is asked by another member of his broadcast team what it would take him to say, ‘Michigan,’ and he replies by saying, ‘not going to happen.’

They all chuckle, but honestly how could one not say Michigan, or talk about the Wolverines as the member of a show that previews the day’s college football games and talks about games that have occurred.

Another interesting piece of this job-share that Meyer has going on is that Big Nude Saturday, will be on location for the sixth time this season for the B1G Championship Game.

Of the six games, Ohio State has been involved in four of the games and will have been the host team for two of the games.

You cannot tell me that Ohio State is not receiving some sort of compensation for hosting a nationally televised broadcast.

Even our counterparts at the Ohio State SB Nation site agree with me.

Sans M

During the week of The Game, the annual match-up betwixt Ohio State and Michigan, Ohio State goes to great lengths to show off its hatred of Michigan by crossing off every ‘M’ on campus.

The letter ‘M,’ is crossed off on campus signs, speed limit signs, everything, even their tweets.

Now, I understand that they dislike each other and all, but that seems like too much work. Just think of how many times they have to cross out an ‘M’ on campus, it would get tiring.

Wisconsin doesn’t make a big deal out of crossing off things associated with Minnesota during #AxeWeek. The UW just goes about it’s business and wins. It understands that the letter ‘M,’ is an important part of the English language.

Personally, I like the letter ‘M,’ it starts my last name, it’s the first letter of my hometown, Madison, which also happens to by my dog’s name.

It’s a good letter. And to think, this hatred stems from Michigan and Ohio each wanting to claim Toledo

I mean, it seems nice, but is it really worth crossing out all of those letters?


It’s a chant, it’s an arm gesture, it’s dumb.

And it’s not even like the ‘YMCA,’ where you only do it when drunk at a cousin’s wedding after polishing off the last free barrel of Spotted Cow and are now moving on to Miller Lite.

Their fans do it when they’re sober…

Dotting the I

It’s a tradition, I guess. The Ohio State Marching Band forms ‘Ohio’ on the field in cursive and then those at the end of the ‘I,’ just walk away, thus dotting it.

Granted that is not their only trick, they have recreated space shuttle launches, large scissors and countless other hyper-choreographed scenes.

It’s cool, but I’m going to pull an Urban Meyer and say that the best band in all of the land, is THE University of Wisconsin Marching Band.

All things considered, I do think they have a good team and are obviously well coached, but I still hate them.

Therefore, they suck.