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The B1G Roast: Rutgers beat Ohio State

I don’t care what the final score said.

Ohio State v Rutgers Photo by Emilee Chinn/Getty Images

We are getting right down to the end of the season and only have a handful or Roasts left. That’s sad...but also let’s get to roasting Ohio State for losing to Rutgers!

Indiana Hoosiers

S&P+ rank: Overall 20th, Offense 13th, Defense 34th, Special Teams 13th

Last week’s results: (L) at No. 9 Penn State, 34-27

Biggest strength: I don’t know if I’ve ever wanted a sticker more than I want this one.

Just because Jake is gone doesn’t mean this isn’t still a pro wrestling blog posing as a Wisconsin sports blog.

Indiana did that thing they do once a season where they looking like they’re going to beat a top-15 team (down three to PSU with 10:45 left in the game) but then give up a crushing game-winning touchdown (Sean Clifford scored on a one-yard run with 1:44 left, the result of an 18-play, 9:01 drive) and finally losing the game. The Hoosiers are still on track to win nine games though. #9WINDIANA will never die.

Peyton Ramsey threw for 371 yards, ran for 31 yards and scored three touchdowns (two on the ground, one through the air).

Biggest weakness: It’s true. We don’t make the laws here at SB Nation, we just enforce them.

Yes...that would be a shame.

Indiana’s fake punt was really stupid. Don’t call a timeout to set it up, you idiots! Even James Franklin knew what was coming!!

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. No. 15 Michigan, 2:30 p.m. CST, ESPN

Maryland Terrapins

S&P+ rank: Overall 80th, Offense 68th, Defense 72nd, Special Teams 127th

Last week’s results: BYE

Biggest strength: That’s crazy that the cloning machine they used to make that sheep is now being used on humans. Weird that it wasn’t a bigger news story.

Biggest weakness: This dude is like Ricky Davis shooting at his own basket to try and get a rebound to complete a triple-double. What I’m trying to say is I LOVE IT.

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. Nebraska, 2:30 p.m. CST, BTN

Michigan Wolverines

S&P+ rank: Overall 10th, Offense 34th, Defense 5th, Special Teams 49th

Last week’s results: (W) vs. Michigan State, 44-10

Biggest strength: It is going to be SO AMAZING when Ohio State pounds them into dust in two weeks.

This is what Disney+ was made for!

Secondary B1G offensive player of the week, Shea Patterson threw for 384 yards and four touchdowns. But he also fumbled once...which was recovered by Michigan BUT STILL! Ronnie Bell caught nine passes for 150 yards. The defense picked off two MSU passes and held the Spartans to 54 rushing yards (220 total).

Biggest weakness: It looks like this kid’s parents just walked in on him having some, um, alone time.

That kid masturbating aside, the Wolverines looked pretty good against their in-state rival. If they can beat Indiana, which is no guarantee, they’ll be brimming with confidence heading into The Game. They’ll be 9-2 overall and potentially ranked in the’ll be so amazing to listen to Michigan fans that week.

This week’s opponent: Saturday at Indiana, 2:30 p.m. CST, ESPN

Michigan State Spartans

S&P+ rank: Overall 40th, Offense 84th, Defense 17th, Special Teams 111th

Last week’s results: (L) at No. 15 Michigan, 44-10

Biggest strength: Being talked about by national pundits.

Imo they shouldn’t play ANYONE anymore. Disband the program.

They sacked Shea Patterson four times. Cody White had six catches for 78 yards. That’s about it though. This team is phoning in the rest of the season and I hope they play Rutgers to a 3-3 tie this week.

Biggest weakness: Former MSU defensive back has thoughts on current iteration of MSU’s football team...they are not good thoughts.

When your rival doesn’t even have any shit to talk because they just dismantled you so completely.

The memes from rivalry games are the best memes.

MSU showed zero fight against Michigan. I know that Michigan is the much better team, but that’s true every year and somehow Michigan State still won a bunch recently! Mark Dantonio is a dead man walking and it looks like that has seeped into the rest of the locker room. They rushed the ball 30 times for 54 yards. Bang up job, gang. Maybe you should reshuffle the assistant coaches again?

This week’s opponent: Saturday at Rutgers, 11:00 a.m. CST, FS1

Ohio State Buckeyes

S&P+ rank: Overall 1st, Offense 4th, Defense 1st, Special Teams 17th

Last week’s results: (W, but really a L) at Rutgers, 56-21

Biggest strength: I mean, no. But we still want Chugz to play.

I think Rutgers should’ve been spotted 21 points in this game just to make it interesting for all parties.

Unlike Alabama, Ohio State made it out of their blowout victory with a fully healthy starting quarterback. Justin Fields was 15-for-19 for 305 yards and four scores. He also ran three times for 30 yards. He’s awesome. The backup quarterback Chris Chuganov, who as you now know is nicknamed Chugz, threw two touchdowns as well! CHUGZ!

Biggest weakness: Yeah, well, eventually Rutgers had more points than Ohio State had points when this tweet was posted! So suck on that!

The Roast is a #factsonly realm.

I’m giving Ohio State a major L in this game. Their record should read 10-0(1) for the rest of the season. Ohio State’s managers should have been able to shutout Rutgers, yet there we were watching Rutgers score in the FIRST FREAKING QUARTER!?! That’s pathetic and if Urban Meyer were still the coach he would go this whole week without covering up any sort of misdeeds that his players did as punishment.

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. No. 9 Penn State, 11:00 a.m. CST, FOX

Penn State Nittany Lions

S&P+ rank: Overall 7th, Offense 11th, Defense 12th, Special Teams 9th

Last week’s results: (W) vs. Indiana, 34-27

Biggest strength: Journey Brown ran for exactly 100 yards and one touchdown while Sean Clifford added 55 on the ground and two scores. He didn’t throw the ball super well but also didn’t throw a pick. K.J. Hamler got hurt, which is a bummer, and may have hindered Clifford’s passing performance. Yetur Gross-Matos had a sack.

Transitively Penn State is worse than Iowa so lets pump the brakes on them being in “playoff contention.”

Biggest weakness: Sometimes I wish I had the self-confidence to wear facial hair like this and then I remember what I used to do to my face in college and, well...that wasn’t self-confidence so much as, what’s the word? Drunken stupidity? Yeah. Probably that.

Out-gained by IU. Out-first downed by IU. Out-time of possessioned despite the crazy game-killing drive they had in the fourth quarter. They DID only have one penalty for zero yards, so not all bad!

This week’s opponent: Saturday at No. 2 Ohio State, 11:00 a.m. CST, FOX

Rutgers Scarlet Knights

S&P+ rank: Overall 110th, Offense 109th, Defense 88th, Special Teams 64th

Last week’s results: (L, but really a W) vs. No. 2 Ohio State, 56-21

Biggest strength: Rutgers is really trying their best to become likable. The more self-aware a fan base the better imo.

Which is why Nebraska will always be the second worst fan base in the conference (obviously Ohio State is No. 1 and it isn’t even close).

Bo Melton caught three passes for 57 yards and a touchdown. Christian Izien and Tyshon Fogg each had 11 tackles. Also, and I think this is important to remember, RUTGERS SCORED 21 POINTS AGAINST OHIO STATE HOLY SHIT!

Biggest weakness: At least this cheerleader was confident in his team’s ability to score!

These are the parenting conversations I’m not looking forward to.

Quarterback Johnny Langam went 12-of-26 for 121 yards, one score and two picks in the win and the team only needed to rush for 110 yards on 40 carries to beat the Buckeyes. Just crazemazing stuff, you guys.

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. Michigan State, 11:00 a.m. CST, FS1

Illinois Fighting Illini

S&P+ rank: Overall 51st, Offense 71st, Defense 55th, Special Teams 4th

Last week’s results: BYE

Biggest strength: Optimism.

I’m honestly happy that Illini fans have stuff like this. They were so very depressed until they beat the Badgers and now they have some crazy thread to pull which will make this weekend so much more fun for them!

Biggest weakness: I never thought of this show as being this weird when I’d watch it but...seriously. What the fuck was up with this show?

You couldn’t understand a God damned thing Lou Holtz said, Mark May is an IDIOT and poor Rece Davis was there trying to keep the peace and also counting down the days until he could take over on GameDay.

It was excellent content.

This week’s opponent: Saturday at No. 20 Iowa, 11:00 a.m. CST, BTN

Iowa Hawkeyes

S&P+ rank: Overall 23rd, Offense 56th, Defense 11th, Special Teams 23rd

Last week’s results: (W) vs. No. 8 Minnesota, 23-19

Biggest strength: GAH!

::Dwight Schrute “it’s true” dot gif::

Nate Stanley was an efficient enough 14-of-23 for 173 yards, two scores and, most importantly, zero turnovers. Tyler Goodson ran for 94 yards and a score and Kristian Welch led the defense with 11 tackles and a sack. A.J. Epenesa had 2.5 sacks and the team as a whole recorded six sacks against Tanner Morgan.

Biggest weakness: This was my favorite part of Saturday.

Look, we know that P.J. Fleck didn’t really cost his team anything with his insane sprint on to the field to see if his “prone” player (who was already standing by the time Fleck got out there) was injured or not because all of the penalties were after the play but wasn’t it amazing to think that he DID cost his team points for the briefest of moments.

At least Fleck was contrite and admitted his mistake and didn’t say he’d do it all over again even though it was just grandstanding so he could say that he “cares about his players more” than any other coach. What’s that?

Fleck is a horse’s ass.

I’m really glad we can go back to cheering against Iowa now that this game is over. That was a rough three hours.

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. Illinois, 11:00 a.m. CST, BTN

Minnesota Golden Gophers

S&P+ rank: Overall 16th, Offense 8th, Defense 26th, Special Teams 98th

Last week’s results: (L) at No. 20 Iowa, 23-19

Biggest strength: LSUFreek is back!

Bridging borders with their losing.

Tanner Morgan threw for 368 yards but only one touchdown and Tyler Johnson continued his impressive season with nine catches for 170 yards and that aforementioned touchdown.

Biggest weakness: Just getting owned by Iowa on the field and off.

Imagine getting your goal posts torn down by the visiting teams fans. Couldn’t be me.

RIP Goldy.

The rushing attack was nonexistent, gaining 63 yards on 30 carries, and the defense couldn’t generate any turnovers, which were key in beating Penn State. It would be a real shame if the Gophers, after two weeks of monster games, had a letdown against Northwestern, succumbed to their cell phones and lost to the Fighting Fitzgeralds in Evanston.

A real shame.

This week’s opponent: Saturday at Northwestern, 11:00 a.m. CST, ABC

Nebraska Cornhuskers

S&P+ rank: Overall 55th, Offense 45th, Defense 61st, Special Teams 124th

Last week’s results: (L) vs. No. 14 Wisconsin, 37-21

Biggest strength: Scouting. But maybe not decision making since he saw all this and willfully chose to be on the wrong side.

Nebraska’s rushing attack looked potent against Wisconsin. Dedrick Mills only had 17 carries but he gained an eye-popping 188 yards. Adrian Martinez, who had a so-so day throwing the ball, ran for 89 yards on 16 attempts. Both guys had touchdowns.

Will Honas and Mohamed Barry each had 12 tackles but unfortunately for them, they were usually making them four yards from the line of scrimmage at best.

Biggest weakness: He got as many contract extensions on Saturday as he got losses AND has career winning seasons! Good for Scott Frost. A Happy Scott Frost Day to us all!

The special teams gave up a kick return touchdown after the offense scored first and the first hints of an upset were brewing. They couldn’t stop the Badgers rushing attack and when Jack Coan was forced to throw he made just enough plays to keep the Huskers honest. It’s pretty crazy to think that the Huskers gave up 7.1 yards per carry and were the BETTER defense in that regard on Saturday.

This week’s opponent: Saturday at Maryland, 2:30 p.m. CST, BTN

Northwestern Wildcats

S&P+ rank: Overall 84th, Offense 123rd, Defense 20th, Special Teams 109th

Last week’s results: (W) vs. UMass, 45-6

Biggest strength: The pageantry and excitement of college football is unmatched.

What the hell even was this game? Why was this game? I hate everything about it. Northwestern should never beat ANYONE by 39 points.

Biggest weakness: This was actually how many people were there in the fourth quarter of the game. Players too.

The other day my daughter was trying to get me to read this one Halloween book (which I hate) and she threw it in my lap, looked me in the eyes and said “ready, set, read!” At that point, what choice did I have? I read her the book and then moved it because she is in charge of the house now.

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. No. 8 Minnesota, 11:00 a.m. CST, ABC

Purdue Boilermakers

S&P+ rank: Overall 61st, Offense 60th, Defense 74th, Special Teams 61st

Last week’s results: BYE

Biggest strength: I’m glad this photographer is ok! She got walloped pretty good and had to go to the hospital.

Biggest weakness: Well...can you?

In college once my buddy was driving and hit the curb while going pretty fast. He just says “curbed it” and we keep driving. I still say that regularly.

This week’s opponent: Saturday at No. 14 Wisconsin, 3:00 p.m. CST, FOX

Wisconsin Badgers

S&P+ rank: Overall 13th, Offense 18th, Defense 8th, Special Teams 100th

Last week’s results: (W) at Nebraska, 37-21

Biggest strength: Jonathan Taylor looks like a tiny person in this picture! Our offensive line is big and thiccc.

Coach Dad! With the zinger!

Taylor looked amazing. Aron Cruickshank returned a kick for a touchdown which was amazing. A.J. Taylor looked good. Reggie Pearson had 10 tackles. Zack Baun had two sacks. There were a lot of good individual performances...and the team won...but there was just something kind of “off” about this game. Maybe I’m just being a nitpicky asshole? Probably that.

Biggest weakness: Not playing Nebraska every week.

Wait...does this mean that Wisconsin has never been a serious playoff contender?

Nebraska was better on third down (but 0-for-3 on fourth down which was huge), had more total yards, more passing yards, averaged more yards per rush and had fewer penalties. There is a whole lot to work on before the Purdue game, which is fun because it will keep everyone engaged!

This week’s opponent: Saturday vs. Purdue, 3:00 p.m. CST, FOX