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Why your mascot sucks: Kent State University

15 mascots and this is what you end up with?

Origins

Flash, the school’s official mascot has been around since 1985, with the current costume debuting in 1994.

However, Kent State, has had a very very long list of mascots, leading up to Flash, even though the nickname has remained, the Golden Flashes for a number of years.

Originally, Kent State was known as the Kent State Silver Foxes in 1923, in homage to the school’s president, who owned a sliver fox ranch near campus. Sadly, the name only lasted for six years.

The school held a contest in the 1920s, to select a new nickname, with the winner, taking home a $25 prize. This is when the school’s nickname of Golden Flashes was chosen.

“Flasher,” a golden retriever became the school’s mascot in the 1950s. The dog wore a Kent State cape and remained as the school’s mascot until 1966.

OHMYGOD! WHO’S A GOOD BOY?!?!?

Now you may be thinking, how do you top a dog in a cape, as your mascot…?

YOU CANNOT.

However, Kent State decided to go in a different direction, by introducing, Grog, a caveman from the comic, B.C.

The costume sounds like it would be hell to wear, as it was eight feet tall and weighed 50 pounds…

Ron DeGrand, a baseball player at Kent State in 1974, who wore the costume can attest to it sucking.

“It was heavy and hot‚” said DeGrand. “I would be wringing wet after a basketball game. But nobody could figure out what a Flash was, so Grog was as good a mascot as any.”

OK, but was it as good as any…?

Grog was then joined by the “Golden Flasher,” a western-themed mascot, which was a man or woman, dressed in blue and gold riding a horse.

Grog and the Golden Flasher were both retired in 1974.

Yet another golden retriever named Mac the Flash took over in 1977 and held the position of mascot until 1979.

Starting in 1981, the school had a variety of mascots, which were costumed people holding lightning bolts. The original was “Freddie Flash,” followed by “Golden Flash, Flashman and Captain Flash.”

How is it that none of these mascots have been a man in a trench coat?

Finally, in 1985, the golden eagle took over as mascot, after a long list of questionable mascots (and don’t forget the dogs, you can never go wrong with dogs).

The new mascot was unveiled over homecoming weekend. The school kept the mascot’s identity secret and tasked the Kent Technology Education Club with constructing a giant egg, which would become part of a parade float and would then be used at halftime of the homecoming football game.

The egg took 265 hours to be made and was made from wood, plaster, fiberglass, and resin. Staff members then created a natural nest for the egg to sit in.

At halftime, those in attendance were treated to a show, as the school introduced their new mascot. The show featured a live golden eagle, as well as the original costumed version of Flash.

A new live Golden Eagle, Flash was introduced in 2008. Flash was hit by a truck and was then unable to return to the wild, which led to him being brought to Kent State games from a local wildlife sanctuary. Flash’s inclusion was short-lived though, following pressure from PETA.

All-in-all, that is 15.

FIFTEEN.

Fifteen mascots, and the current Flash is best they could come up with?

Appearance

Flash is an anthropomorphized, constipated golden eagle, ranging in height from 6-foot to 6-foot-5. He usually wears a football uniform, basketball uniform, or a shirt featuring the Kent State logo.

In my opinion, if you’re going to have your mascot wear a football jersey, at least have that jersey match the one your team wears, I mean, c’mon. He’s the school mascot, how does he not have all the latest swag?

The Flash costume is washed after every use, if the event is longer than an hour and the helmet within the head is disinfected once a week. I feel like that is not enough…

Flash’s “plumage” is brushed 2-3 times per month.

Now, I am no ornithologist, but I do know a thing or two about birds and I know enough to know that they do not have teeth…

Ryan IRL

However, they did get the hooked beak correct, which is a famous trait of the golden eagle and other raptors.

I know I am going to hate myself for this, but Marquette (of all schools), got the beak of their Golden Eagle correct.

Rivals & Enemies

Flash’s bio features a section dedicated to his rivals and enemies, which I respect. If there is one thing I have been taught in life, it’s that you must keep your friends close, but your enemies closer.

The list features fellow MAC mascots; Zippy the Roo (Akron), Freddie & Frieda (Bowling Green), Rocky and Rocksy the Rocket (Toledo), Swoop the Redhawk (Miami of Ohio) and my personal hero, Rufus the Bobcat (Ohio).

You wanna keep Rufus super close, he don’t play. He beat up Brutus AT the Horseshoe...

Flash is one of the few mascots that I have found, that does not have its own Twitter account. How are you supposed to talk smack against your rivals without a platform, like Twitter?

Teeth, constipation, no Twitter? Dude’s got some work to do. Maybe a 16th time is the charm?