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The Three Predictions: Wisconsin vs. Iowa

Iowa State v Iowa Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

Look. I don’t know what to tell you. BYU won. I said they were going to win. I’m 3–0 in accuracy. If you would just stop talking about this, we could move on.

To Iowa. Hoo boy.

Likely Case: This is going to be, as the kids of 2003 would say, mad stressful. Ostensibly, the Badgers’ offensive line wants people to stop calling them the best offensive line in football while using the most sarcastic voice in their arsenal, but Iowa’s defense is fixing to be a good one. I mean, Oklahoma didn’t shut down Iowa State. There’s enough talent on paper for the Badgers’ offense to get past them, but Iowa is a level above BYU only allowing about four yards per play.

That said, beyond tight ends Noah Fant and T.J. Hockensen, the Iowa offense is of a similar steady but not overpowering vintage. Not to say Monona Grove native Toren Young is not out to show Bucky why they shouldn’t have passed on him, but he is not as home run-hitting as Akrum Wadley. Short story longer, this is going to be one of those games that’s close until 0:00 hits the fourth quarter.

Best Case: As I’ve said countless times, these predictions are completely serious and I’m not funny, so if you’re laughing at these, that’s just hurtful. But even last year, Iowa was only down 10 against the Wisconsin murder death machine. The best-case scenario is that the Badgers pull away in the second half and win by double-digits.

Worst case: Most of us were here for Iowa-Wisconsin 2015, also known as the four turnovers, 10–6 loss. I mean, I could come up with Toren Young rushing for 436 yards to show those jerks in Madison they should have called him. But a repeat of October 3rd, 2015, only more so just seems like the sort of thing that would cause more stress than whatever I could come up with.