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Reaction Formation: Melvin Gordon Eats

Greg's back on the sofa and he can't even right now in the best way possible.

Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

Author's Note: Each week, I sit down with my sports therapist to work out my feelings about the latest happenings in Wisconsin sports. It's a good time to be a Badger fan, and today of all days might be the best. Anything I say is denoted with a [G] and anything my sports therapist says is denoted with a [D]... for his doctorate.

It's been six minutes since I sat down on the sofa, and all I can do is smile. We've literally just been sitting here, watching each other smiling. I don't know what he's so happy about, but I don't think I can play this little chess game any longer. I have to say it...

[G] Melvin Gordon is the greatest running back this school has ever seen. I've said it before, I'll say it now and I'll say it 10 years from now.

[G] I know what you're thinking. I'm being emotional. I'm letting expectations take over my thought process. But you're wrong! Melvin is elusive. Melvin is strong. Melvin is powerful. Melvin is spry. Melvin is shifty, he's smart, he's patient. He almost always stays on his feet as he heads to the endzone. I haven't done the math on this, but it's gotta be upwards of 90 percent.

Melvin Gordon stay on feet GIF

Why isn't he telling me I'm wrong. Every time we sit down together he makes me feel like I need to be backpeddling on some strong take.

[G] Melvin eats. You can't deny it. He keeps his word, too. He said he wanted to prove to every NFL team that he deserved to be a first-round NFL Draft pick. I don't think he could have picked a better way to do it. Give him the Heisman. I don't care if Oregon is a playoff team and Mariota is the best that team has to offer... Melvin is outstanding.

My therapist cracks an honest, wide grin. He shakes his head.

[G] Why aren't you saying anything?!

[D] Because you're spot on! What we witnessed on Saturday? It was history. It was marvelous. It was like time slowed just a bit... just enough for us to realize what we were watching. The greatest running back in the country, putting on a clinic.

[G] YES! Exactly! A clinic. He made Nebraska look like when you set "Rush Defense" on Madden to zero! Bards will sing songs of his dominance.

Game of Thrones bards will sing GIF

[G] How many babies do you think will be born nine months form this past Saturday? How many are gonna have the middle name Melvin? Or Gordon? Or how many "Jr." dads are gonna change their minds on giving their child their name just so they can have a "III" next to the last name on their jersey? Melvin did that!

[D] If I had to venture a guess, I would imagine that at least 1/3 of your questions will come to fruition.

And then something amazing happened. My therapist, the man who has helped me through losses, victories, conspiracy theories and tactless post-game comments, stood up and smiled the biggest, toothiest, most child-like grin I've ever seen. We locked eyes, and I knew that in that moment, we were one mind. We both put our hands in the air...

[G] What!? I had no idea you knew that dance. I thought I was the only one who actually took the time to learn that dance!

My therapist sits back down on his chair and resumes his normal, stoic demeanor. He reaches behind his chair and procures two bottles of Three Floyds' American Pale Ale, Zombie Dust. He hands me one.

[D] Rare occasions call for a rare drink. And besides, I own this practice. I can do what I want.

[G] Doc, I love this side of our relationship.

[D] Well, what can I say? Melvin's got me feeling some type of way.

I'm further awed. Mainly because not only is this a topical reference, it's also a subtle potshot to Michigan State. At least, I'm choosing to see it as such.

[G] Doc, you remember when Andy Bernard was all like...

[G] That's kind of how I'm feeling right now. Badger football is back in the Big Ten West driver's seat. If we take care of business, there's a showdown looming with Urban and his band of... whatever the fuck it is. Badger basketball is ranked No. 3 in the country, and they look even better than I thought they would. I mean, even the women's soccer team won the Big Ten tourney! I mean, damn does it feel good to be a Badger.

[D] Son, I haven't felt this good in years. And I've seen some good ones. Some were robbed of their shine when the NFL and NBA robbed us of our place in the stars. I mean, don't even get me started on Alando Tucker and Devin Harris. We missed out on J.J. Watt catching touchdown passes from Russell Wilson. But something about right here and right now, it just feels like it's our turn. We may not win the playoff, and we may not have a passing game, but dammit, I just have a feeling. This type of magic doesn't come along every day. I don't feel like it's going to be wasted or squandered away. Cherish these moments, Greg. You're young, you're whole life of fandom ahead of you. Because when the going gets tough again -- and it always does -- well, moments like this past Saturday carry you far longer than you could have imagined.

A single tear forms at the corner of my therapist's eyes, and I finally see just how old he is. Not so much in his face or his hair, but in his bones. I've spent all this time thinking about me that I never stopped to consider what Bucky meant to him. And just as I was about to cry like a little girl...

[D] But before all of that, let's go kick Kirk Ferentz in the teeth.

Lord of the Rings into battle GIF