Reaction Formation: The Solar Eclipse

Author's Note: Each week, I have a standing appointment with my sports therapist to go over my feelings regarding the latest in Badger sports. Not much technical info covered in these sessions. Not really a whole lot of standing either. This is a safe space, everyone. [G] denotes something I said, [T] denotes something my therapist said.

[D:] Greg, good to see you. Have a seat. After last time, I was afraid you weren't going to show up again.

[G:] Yea, sorry Doc. I, uh... didn't think it would be smart for me to come in. I needed to sort out my feelings on my own.

[D:] I understand, of course. Did it help you? To skip our meeting last week?

[G:] I think it did. I honestly don't have much to say about what's happened the past couple weeks that hasn't already been said.

[D:] You're focusing on the future, rather than the past... that sounds beneficial. Wouldn't you agree?

[G:] Well no, not really. Thinking about the future too much brings some problems of its own.

[D:] I'm sorry, Greg. I don't follow.

[G:] I've spent so much time being miserable at this team for not living up to expectations I set for it. I've just been choosing to ignore the multiple holes in this team. Had we come out and smoked Illinois, I would have felt like we were still the team that should have beat LSU.

[D:] But the Badgers didn't smoke Illinois.

[G:] No, they did not.

[D:] How does that make you feel?

[G:] I'm tired of pretending this team is something that it isn't. I'm tired of being frustrated with playcalling, with the quarterback position. I don't want to focus on that anymore. I want to focus on the good stuff. This team is many things, but here's the most important takeaway: the 2014 Wisconsin Badgers are Melvin Gordon. That's not to take anything away from the seniors who've worked hard to earn starting spots. They have the greatest running back this school has likely ever seen. I don't want to miss out on the magic that is Melvin Gordon by instead worrying about whether or not Joel McEvoy can hit a receiver 5 yards away.

[D:] That's an interesting way of phrasing your feelings, but I appreciate your honesty.

[G:] Hold on, I'm not finished. I love the Wisconsin Badgers and I love football. I watch absolutely terrible NFL football games with the sole hope that a fantasy player of mine will make a big play. Well, for lack of a better simile, Melvin Gordon is like my No. 1 pick, and all I want is for him to score all the points and win all the Heismans.

[D:] That seems a little extreme.

[G:] I don't think so. He can literally do no wrong for me. I'm gonna soak up every last bit of MGIII before he heads off to break the mold of Wisconsin running backs in the NFL. He's the best bet to do it. Is it a little unfair we can't be a playoff team for him? Maybe. But he's an awesome player and an awesome teammate. Let's just go out there, enjoy what we can from this and get MGIII to New York, by any means necessary OK ANDY?!?! Sorry. Sorry.

I find myself standing and breathing a little harder than I'd like to admit.

[D:] Huh... I... I don't have much more to add. You've remained calm enough while making your thoughts clear to me. Your willingness to accept what you cannot change would make Stephanie Perkins proud...

The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you. -- Stephanie Perkins

It's obvious to me you've reached a turning point. You'd rather live in the moment than worry about anything else.I think this could be good for you.

[G:] Don't patronize me, Doc, with the good feelings talk. Just because I've accepted this team doesn't mean that I'm expecting to be totally happy as a result. This team will lose at least one more game, likely more like two more games. They will go to some bowl I don't care about. But I want to watch Melvin Gordon destroy defenses, and instead of being angry with playcalling or the passing game, I'll just be pleasantly surprised if it goes better than I expect. Next year will likely be worse, so I'm just trying to relish the last bits of what was a great 4-to-5-year run for Wisconsin Football. I don't consider it as the falling of a star, never to be seen again. I see it more like the beginning of a solar eclipse. After a brief time in the shadow, the sun will return as bright as ever.

[D:] OK -- I won't patronize you. But I will tell you that while I appreciate this moment of mindfulness from you, I know you better than you think. You will likely relapse from this consciousness that you've created. You will likely be here in this office again, angry or upset or frustrated. And when that time comes, remember the sun you've spoken of. Badger football will bring you no light in those times.

I began to chuckle softly to myself.

[G:] Well then, thank God for basketball season.

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Great summer work with these fellas. Let's go home!! #badgers

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