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Wisconsin vs. LSU: A matchup made in my college football dreams

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Wisconsin and LSU will be playing football against each other, and all is right with the world.

Stacy Revere

I assumed Wisconsin-LSU would never happen because the things I deeply, inwardly root for never come to fruition. Off the top of my head: My landlords didn't throw out the only awful roommate I ever had, the game clock didn't speed up against OSU in 2008 and I left Paris without a saucy rendez-vous. LSU has been my guilty football pleasure since I was old enough to toddler around and begin place too much importance on sports. Until yesterday, I was sure the series with Wisconsin would fall through.

LSU is Wisconsin, but with a weird bent. Les Miles is the embodiment of the unwholesome whims Gary Andersen has viciously suppressed in his mind. Their fans booze as heartily, but without Wisconsin's Midwestern rectitude hovering about. Cardinal and white would come out purple and canary on a film negative, I'm pretty sure. They are the bizarro us, and that should make for a really fun series.

Let's break it down.

They're the same team

Guess who SB Nation's glorious College Football Entertainment Index placed immediately next to each other at Nos. 63 and 64? Both teams are equally fun to watch, and moderately exciting football is a strong catalyst for happy-go-lucky drinking, apparently.

Both teams have manball tendencies offensively, and have been tremendously successful in recent years despite egregious clock management issues (See: Les Miles and last year's Chick-fil-A Bowl; you all know about Bielema). I don't know, man. It all just fits.

They're the same fans

They drink. They eat. I like to think that the "rudeness" of Wisconsin fans comes from a cheeky place, and that while only idiots are still loudly dropping F-bombs at football games, Madison has well-intentioned idiots who deep down just want to make you feel welcome in their own stupid way. Ditto LSU fans, according to dated anecdotal evidence:

Hammered to bejeezus guy: HEY, WE FUCKING KICKED YOUR ASS.

Orson: Yes, yes you did.

HTBG: I should kick your fucking ass, man.

Orson: It's a great environment in there. Loud as hell.

HTBG: You enjoyed it?

Orson: Yes, I did.

HTBG: Come here, man. I love you.

Orson: Yes...I...I love you to, Hammered To Bejeezus Guy.

I was offered free gumbo multiple times when I was in Louisiana once upon a time. They just want to be loved, I promise.

Les Miles is a kook

Miles eats grass. He talks to himself on Twitter. He rappelled down a building for charity. This was his reaction to a stuffed fake field goal at Alabama. He mumbles.

Miles is the perfect foil to Andersen's defiant normalcy. Two men, both endearing for their spots on opposite ends the weirdness spectrum, going head to head. That's high drama.

It's an outright travesty this game isn't a home-and-home

Here's where the dream ends. Somehow the series was brokered to be played at Reliant Stadium in Houston and at Lambeau Field in Green Bay. On paper, playing college football in pro stadiums seems like a novel idea. In practice, it forces fans to travel farther and pay more money to see their teams play, while athletic departments make less or lose money on the deal.

Perhaps the idea is to give players a chance to bask in Reliant's brilliant decade-long history. Or maybe both schools just wanted to help two clearly starving NFL franchises. Whatever the case, it sort of stinks for fans.

But whatever! Wisconsin is playing fun non-conference football again! Rejoice!

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