Everything is trolling. That's what the latest piece from America's favorite not-Slate, Salon dot com says. Because they're calling the world of hot takes over? This means trolling is stronger than ever. Because there is always someone who wants to get provoked. And there is always someone who is going to get famous for being a troll.
So I, as a public service, going to tell you the five most troll-like statements that the Badgers are going to have to deal with during the season.
5. Ohio State is going to destroy the Badgers
I mean, why not. They went unbeaten last year, and this season? The team's got everything to play for. The Badgers? They have questions that may not be answered by the the time they have to travel to Columbus. There's a chance the Badgers are doomed. Doomed.
Why this won't happen really? If anything, the Badgers are going to find a way to lose in a heartbreaking fashion to Ohio State, That's their style.
4. This quarterback is inferior to his backup!
The expectations at quarterback are...well, we know someone's going to start. Joel Stave goes into fall camp the favorite. But Tanner McEvoy has a real chance to start. I mean, that's what the NCAA Football 14 believes in. Any moment of struggle? ENOUGH IS ENOUGH AND IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE!
Why this won't happen really? We're generally a good fanbase. A patient fan base. Sure, there will be some people who'll call Tanner McEvoy better off as a receiver. But if he wins the job, they won't demand the quick hook that some former quarterbacks had
3. Gary Andersen can't beat BYU, let alone a major conference team.
The history of Gary Andersen at Utah State was one filled with close dramatic losses on television. I mean, we all remember the scare last September. But the year before, the emergence of Utah State was when they put a remarkable scare into Auburn. Up ten with four minutes to go? They ended up losing by four.
And then there's BYU. Last year they managed all of three points. In fact, BYU hit .750 against Andersen.
Why this won't happen really? Because they had 5 games against former AQ conference schools. Small sample size always falls by the wayside when troll comes into play.
2. THE CAMP RANDALL EXPERIENCE IS DEAD.
Despite all renovations, going to a game at Camp Randall's overrated. The students are shiftless and lazy, made complacent by years of being good but rarely dominant. When they chant, it's usually a chant of a family unfriendly variety. (And there's a time and a place for that and its called social media). Camp Randall is fading from the purview. Sorry.
Why This Won't Happen Really? Because nobody doesn't love Doctor Pepper. BROS LOVE THAT DOCTOR PEPPER TEN. IT'S FOR THEM AFTER ALL.
1. Melvin Gordon is perfectly rated in the video game.
PERFECTLY. RATED. HE'S NOT THAT FAST YOU GUYS.
Why This Won't Happen Really? (Wisconsin just scored again.)