russellmania

I know this will sound like sour grapes, but wasn’t there something fishy about those Shrink Wrapped Duck Togs. At the very least those mirror glow helmets looked like individual aquarium head gear that may have been deployed to blast sun daggers into the eyes of our hardworking honest farm boys. I’m pretty sure they stole the design from the RoboCop franchise. I am certain that an exhaustive investigation would have unearthed that an illegal Nike connection concocted those uniforms complete with a thin coating of duck grease smeared on the Saran Wrap. An unnecessary bit of skullduckery as it turned out. One would have had to get ones arms around the uniforms to learn this. I’ve noticed a lot of teams have had some success with a completely legal maneuver called tackling. It must have been disturbing for the nearest chasing Badger to watch the Oregon numerals getting increasingly smaller. Bret Bielma’s name should be Bulimic as his coaching decisions invariably make me ralph.
I mean why not reduce your timeouts to one with 25 minutes left so the referee can run over a copy of College Football Rules for Dummies. What was the likelihood that a spare time out as time ran out would become an issue? And actually coach, in those situations [endless confusion] the trick is really to take the time out before the other team can run off another play. You my friend are a double threat. You are challenge challenged. This fellow Chryst, who will cure insomnia next fall at Pitt has been getting way too much all the credit for offense brilliance. For the 2nd game in a row I have watched Montee Ball announce his quality and break for 100 in the 1st quarter only to tragically watch his excellence eroded by knuckle headed play calling as the game continues. He [Chryst] can’t stand success. He wimps out and becomes absurdly predictable. In fact if one listened very closely you might have actually heard his penis shrink from his loft in the Badgers coaching Sky box....and those suckers are soundproofed. Everything that initially has put the opponent off balance goes by the boards, to be followed completely without guile, with non stop runs up the gut. Even the dimmest D learns to expect this and naturally lies in wait. Then, and only then, the brain trust [cramp] look to Wilson to bail us out in obvious passing situations completely negating his sublime arsenal of skills.
Russell I know you are a stand up guy and today this was your weakness. You should have ripped the helmet walky talky apart and called your own game. These clueless Game-Boys cost you a lot of money today. Hell, [sorry about the cussing] this was your last game and you have already got your degree. Benching you was the only sanction they could hit you with and as smart as you are, surely you knew they didn’t have the balls to do that. Please don’t kick yourself for the pick, it was the defensive play of the year, and who would blame the plucky Abbrederis for seeking a couple extra yards...how the hell did the ball just lie there motionless an inch from out of bounds, possession retained, first down...arrrrggghh! I find it very difficult to believe that it took you two seconds to spike a ball. But I don’t mind. It provides us all with a mythical if only... How likely was a miracle score really? Though a couple Hail Marys' were owed to you and unlike those godless bastards at Michigan State and The Ohio State University [cheats], you are actually in the big guys good books...and have actually cracked a book. But we disappointed will forever wonder what might have been, in an eternal tribute to yourself and in appreciation of how great it’s been to have you among us. For this all too brief time. And we will forever wonder what your coach at NC State was smoking when he encouraged you to expand your horizons. Perhaps he is related to Ted Thompson. [Fully recognizing how far south that sentiment has flown] Farewell Russell and Thank You. As great as you were with a lead, you were magnificent and brought as back with a shot in each loss. You were inspirational and we’ll probably never see your like again. Russell mania forever.